I wasn’t afraid.
This is to all of you seated about the
campfire telling spooky stories of what faces our nation under our new
president.
I think some of you enjoy it. Like
poking that loose tooth when you were a kid just to see how much it hurt. But
some folks actually seem legitimately terrified of What Is To Come.
Take a deep breath.
You had fear-filled cousins on the
right as well. Warnings that Hillary was going to ban the first and second amendments
and come for our guns and lock us up for celebrating Christmas. She was going
to open fun camps and make us all take ballroom dancing lessons.
Hillary was never coming for our
guns. The same people who say that we couldn’t possibly deport all the illegals
in this country were not about to try and seize the firearms of 90 million plus
legal gun owners.
The only thing I feared if Hillary
Clinton won was higher taxes, a deeper recession and endless tedium. I thought
her promises of a no-fly zone over Syria were something advisors came up with
to make her sound tough. Even Hillary’s not so deluded that she would get in an
air war with Russia over a country that (if we’re being honest) none of us really
gives a rip about.
I do regret that we will not have
Tim Kaine for a veep. That guy promised to be a laugh riot. I hope he sticks
around to amuse us as a member of the minority party.
And Trump is not going to start
loading people onto boxcars. Hell, almost half the illegals are here
overstaying visas. And I’d bet half of them
would self-deport back to France or the Netherlands or Ceylon if they were sent
a strongly worded letter.
He’s not going to get us into a
war. Donald Trump may just be the most openly anti-war candidate we’ve had in a
long time. The guy doesn’t like military adventures and has laid out no plans
for any. A stronger military is a good idea in peace or war.
They won’t be banning birth control
or abortion. Presidents have little control over this issue in any case. The
needle simply doesn’t move on this issue nationally. His promise to “leave it
to the states” is Trump’s way of telling us all that.
And what exactly does the LGBT
crowd have to fear from a man who was cool with same sex marriage easily a
decade before either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton? And, let’s face it, they only came to gay Jesus because they
weren’t going to get to dip their paws into the Hollywood cash pile until they
did. And let’s not scare up fears of Mike Pence driving every gay and lesbian
into the sea. It’s just nonsense.
I wasn’t afraid.
But I did have a Plan B.
This past Wednesday morning,
depending on how the election turned out, I was going to cash out my retirement
fund. Why? Because the rake-back that goes to the feds from my hard-earned,
after-taxes savings would go up from 25% to God alone knows what. Or, and this is
often seriously discussed by Democrats in congress, the feds might confiscate it all and
dole it back to me as they see fit. By that I mean, they’d take my 401 K and
spend it on primitive dance classes and quinoa.
The second half of my Plan B was
the construction of my zero environmental impact, off-the-grid compound on ten
acres I own deep in Florida cracker country. My neighbors are all retired cops
up there. Would I do this because I’m a bitter clingin’ survivalist nut with a
gun vault filled with assault rifles? Well, that’s half true. Mostly, the
compound was to insulate me and my family from a worsening economy. Lower our
utility bills, property taxes and food bills. (We like growing our own food and
are good at it.)
It would all make my “retirement”
go smoother. The quotation marks are because I’m never going to retire. How can
I? My job is making stuff up.
BTW, I'm no kind of prepper. For proof of this check out my upcoming mini UN-Prepped, a survivalist comedy co-written with dyed-in-the-non-GMO-wool liberal Scott Beatty. It'll be out from IDW next year.
So, remember this the next time you
support a candidate for office and invest our heart and soul and wallet in
their winning.
Have a Plan B.
Even if it’s a weekend at the spa
or a 5K or locking yourself away to binge TV for a week. Think and prepare for
the eventuality that you did not wish for.
And, most of all, relax.
This is America. We get wounded and
we heal. No need to hate those who don’t agree with you. I guarantee that
99.999999% of them don’t hate you. That goes for both sides.
Let’s all turn our wrath toward a
more worthy target.
The lazy-ass media that’s been
lying to us about the election and about ourselves throughout this entire process.
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